Relationship - Marriage Counselling

Love does not have to be complicated. People in romantic relationships can be.

Dr Mark's 40 years of counselling experiences in family and marriage at the Centre for Stress Management has allowed us over the years to review, research, evaluate, apply, and then develop an evidence-based approach to relationship counselling in four areas: relationship with the self, with acquaintances, with friends, and with intimates (partner, siblings, parents, spouse). We understand that the most common denominator or factor in relationship counselling is the relationship with the self, or the "I," which often times is minimized or overlooked in relationship counselling. Hence, a common topic in all our relationship counselling services affords each person to become more insightful of their character (what are my values that guide me), personality (what are the things I like or don't like to express), and habits (the healthy and unhealthy ones). In short, before we can improve our communication and conflict resolution skills in relationships and life in general, we must first be mindful of who we are as a person, how we interact with others, and the ways we influence others and others influence us.

A common communication problem is we do NOT listen to understand. We listen to reply.

A primary motivation for relationship counselling is almost always to "save the relationship," but we also believe that relationship counselling should not only focus on resolving long-standing conflicts to save their marriage. Couples counselling should also focus on educating couples on the key elements that sustain a happy and healthy relationship. In other words, the conflict may be resolved and couples now have learned "how to argue better," but often times couples realize they still have relationship issues that impact their well-being and happiness. Relationship counselling at the Centre for Stress Management removes the blame game and avoids the right versus wrong themes many couples experiencing in counselling. Instead, we collaborate with and educate our clients on not only what makes a relationship lasting and happy, we also provide interesting and insightful activities so each person in that relationship has a better understand of who they are and the person they share a life with.

Our core well-being topics couples explore in relationship counselling besides resolving the conflict are:

INTIMACY: becoming insightful at the seven (7) intimacies of a relationship and how to be mindful of expressing, nurturing and meeting those intimacy needs of the self and the other person

COMMUNICATION: relationship communication skills is much more than announcing "I think we need to talk," couples learn on how to utilize many face-to-face conversation skills to reduce conflict and enhance understanding and happiness

WORK - LIFE INTEGRATION: the work - life demands in Hong Kong prevent most couples from "leave your work at the office when you go home," our program helps couples understand how to manage the intrusion of work at home and how to connect with home when at work

THINK THEN FEEL: neuroscience has shown we cannot have a thought without a feeling, yet many couples believe that relationship counselling is about coming in and "talking about how they feel." Dr Mark's 40 years of healthcare experiences and evidence-based research shows our ways of thinking have a far greater impact on our emotions and behaviors than we realize. Couples learn quickly various positive, powerful and sustaining thinking skills to remain sustain and improve their overall quality of personal and work life

ROLES: many couples have a relationship where both partners have their own careers, their own friends and separate interests and hobbies. When children become part of the relationship, the second shift (roles performed at home) often times cause couples to develop disagreements and misunderstandings.

WELLNESS: the ageing process does have an impact on how relationships grown and change over time, there are male and female individual health issues couples need to be aware of to ensure stress and stress-related issues do not impact the happiness and well-being of relationship

CONFLICT: to unfortunate myth about relationship counselling is that "good, we will never argue again after counselling." Conflict is a natural component in all relationships (work and personal), and our relationship counselling educates couples on how to resolve disagreements and/or misunderstandings without any harm to the relationship